rmdixon (rmdixon) wrote,

Week Two

Just an update in case anybody is still following this.

My expectation was that I would take a week or so to get over this and things would be back to normal, kind of like getting over a cold or something. The reality is somewhat different.

I feel better day by day, but all body parts are not created equal. I can get out and walk for about 30 - 40 minutes and feel pretty normal, and then I go to sneeze and realize that things are not normal. Although my incisions are largely healed, some internal restructuring took place and my body is still figuring out what happened. I don't typically respect "tired", but in my current situation I have to, because "tired" is an indicator that I need to sit back and rest and let the healing take place.

I had the idea I would be able to get a lot done while I was healing, but the reality is that recliner time equals healing time, and sitting up is not the same thing. It puts stress places that don't really need stress, so I have to do a better job seeking balance, between "good stress" that challenges the body and forces it to respond and "bad stress" that works counter to the healing process.

I'm not a napper, but sometimes I just have to let myself nap and call it "healing" and not "laziness".

Yesterday was a serious milestone. I got my staples and catheter out, and that was a major change for the better. I hadn't realized how much I was feeling the pulling from the staples and how irritating the catheter was in pretty much all situations, from lying down to sitting.

Yesterday I was clearly a surgical patient, stapled and trailing the catheter behind me. Today whatever the new "normal" is seems visible on the horizon, but I still have a ways to go. I'm anticipating maybe another week off from work, and then I should be able to drive. In another week I'm allowed to pick up more than 10 pounds, and I may give riding my motorcycle a try, but again I don't want to push it. All I need is to overdo it and do some kind internal damage I can't even see or do anything about.

Since this is the last thing I may post for awhile, I should probably mention that I've been home for nine days with not much else to do other than rest and reflect.

Largely I sit in my recliner feeling embarrassed. Not as much embarrassed about my physical limitations, but embarrassed by how much I have been blessed. I have a new 27" Macintosh in front of me on a desk, my iPad to one side (because it's a good recliner companion), and I'm sitting in a $1000 leather chair. I just had a $25,000 operation from one of the best surgeons in the state and about the best medical care money could buy at Rex Hospital. Everybody I met there was absolutely top-notch. Professional, caring, and focused on helping me get better. Even the food was great.

I have three weeks off from work with pay to get over this, with no fear whatsoever about my job.

I just sit here and wonder "why me?", when so many in the world suffer without the basics. There are no doubt hundreds of thousands of guys in the world alive right now who will get prostate cancer, same as me, and just die from it. No iMacs, no recliner, no health insurance. Just increasing pain and discomfort followed by death.

I have no idea why I have been singled out for such riches, but I am deeply grateful that I have been.
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